Expectations

There is a difference between hope and expectation. 

Hope seems vague and distant, like something you can almost see but you can't really get it clearly into focus, and expectation is like drawing an outline and revisiting it to fill in the details repeatedly. 

Expectations seem to get me into trouble.

I start with an empty canvas and begin to paint what I want to happen.  The more I think about it, the more the colors come together and define my desire.  I gaze at what I'm fantasizing and come under the spell of what I see with an insatiable appetite that clamours to be quelled. 

The problem is - it seems there's no way out.

I've created something that doesn't exist and never will. I've allowed my dreaming to seep into my heart with it's poisonous potion and begin to demand fulfillment. 

I wrote recently:

"When struggling under the expectations of others, your best recourse is to respond with faith in God.  Ask Him what to do, then listen, and obey."

But what if I'm struggling with my own expectations - what I expect to happen, what I expect of myself, and what I expect of others and even God?

Let's face it - no one can live up to my expectations. I can't even live up to my own expectations of myself!

Therefore, these kinds of expectations will only lead down the one-way street called "Disappointment".  And we're all more or less familiar with the other inhabitants on that street: hurt, anger, depresssion, frustration, anxiety, etc.

The only answer I know of is to stop myself from taking steps down that road in the first place...or to find someone to help turn me around and guide me in the direction of HOPE.

I am not alone in this discovery as I read of someone having a similar revelation:

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:5

And how he finds his way to hope:

Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths. 

Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:5

So, this is what I need to do!

 Instead of building and continually reinforcing my expectations, I need to invite God to shepherd me forward with His truth. 

This is a far cry from the unrealistic ideas I continually create in my mind which eventually grip my heart and emotions, locking me onto a path towards disappointment.

It will cost me some of my pride to humbly admit that I need Him to lead me, to show me, and to teach me how to look forward... but at the very least I'll be moving forward!  This is much better than getting bogged down in the same ruts again and again.  Pride has never, ever yielded good fruit anyways.

Okay, Lord... I put my hope in You, not in me... in YOU!