1tran·si·tion
noun \tran(t)-ˈsi-shən, tran-ˈzi-, chiefly British tran(t)-ˈsi-zhən\
1 passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : CHANGE
Having lived under the illusion that I was a fairly mobile person, even a minimalist by my family's standards, it comes as a shock to me that it's taking days, weeks, and months to literally extract myself from this society, my home, and my network of friends and colleagues. And that is just the external stuff on my "to-do" list. Then there's the feelings of transition that my heart has to cope with.
I rather doubt that my friends would classify me as an emotional person... passionate at times, yes, but I'm not the type who carries tissues with me in case my eyes start to leak. Yet it seems I'm crying about something every other day now.
For example, yesterday I was walking my dog on one of our usual routes and I suddenly became aware of the cobblestones under my feet and thought "I'm going to miss these cobblestones". And, yep, my eyes got wet and my heart began to swell with feelings of .... grieving and loss.
This is nothing compared to what I feel lately when visiting with a friend and it's time to leave. I bravely smile and do the Dutch kissy-thingy (air kisses on each cheek) with a snug arm squeeze to boot and then step out the door with a "tot ziens!" (see you) and one last wave as I dive into my car and zoom off, parking around the corner until I can see clearly enough to drive safely.
You see, I'm a chicken when it comes to saying good-bye. I notoriously leave gatherings just a bit early or even slip out the door unnoticed to avoid a farewell. There's something in me that just can't bear it. It makes my heart feel like it will burst and my face screws up into a hot, slimy, wet mess if I don't exit quickly enough. And now when I click on this blog button, the world will know.
I wonder if there is such a thing as "goodbye therapy"... perhaps I could learn to face saying goodbye if there were some handy relationship tools I could employ? But, on the other hand, I believe that goodbyes should be difficult because it means I really cared for that person and I really felt deeply about our relationship and experiences together.
This goodbye dysfunction I wrestle with also compels me to share the salvation message of Jesus with the people my heart latches onto because then I'll be certain to see them in eternity in heaven. Heaven and eternity is what we're all made for; and in heaven there are no more tears... and I'm thinking that also means no more goodbyes because we'll be with him together....forever.
Well, there you have it, the tip of the iceberg about my feelings in this time of transition. And if anyone knows of a "goodbye therapist", give me their contact info!
