Expectations

There is a difference between hope and expectation. 

Hope seems vague and distant, like something you can almost see but you can't really get it clearly into focus, and expectation is like drawing an outline and revisiting it to fill in the details repeatedly. 

Expectations seem to get me into trouble.

I start with an empty canvas and begin to paint what I want to happen.  The more I think about it, the more the colors come together and define my desire.  I gaze at what I'm fantasizing and come under the spell of what I see with an insatiable appetite that clamours to be quelled. 

The problem is - it seems there's no way out.

I've created something that doesn't exist and never will. I've allowed my dreaming to seep into my heart with it's poisonous potion and begin to demand fulfillment. 

I wrote recently:

"When struggling under the expectations of others, your best recourse is to respond with faith in God.  Ask Him what to do, then listen, and obey."

But what if I'm struggling with my own expectations - what I expect to happen, what I expect of myself, and what I expect of others and even God?

Let's face it - no one can live up to my expectations. I can't even live up to my own expectations of myself!

Therefore, these kinds of expectations will only lead down the one-way street called "Disappointment".  And we're all more or less familiar with the other inhabitants on that street: hurt, anger, depresssion, frustration, anxiety, etc.

The only answer I know of is to stop myself from taking steps down that road in the first place...or to find someone to help turn me around and guide me in the direction of HOPE.

I am not alone in this discovery as I read of someone having a similar revelation:

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:5

And how he finds his way to hope:

Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths. 

Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:5

So, this is what I need to do!

 Instead of building and continually reinforcing my expectations, I need to invite God to shepherd me forward with His truth. 

This is a far cry from the unrealistic ideas I continually create in my mind which eventually grip my heart and emotions, locking me onto a path towards disappointment.

It will cost me some of my pride to humbly admit that I need Him to lead me, to show me, and to teach me how to look forward... but at the very least I'll be moving forward!  This is much better than getting bogged down in the same ruts again and again.  Pride has never, ever yielded good fruit anyways.

Okay, Lord... I put my hope in You, not in me... in YOU!

Transitions

¹tran·si·tion

noun \tran(t)-ˈsi-shən, tran-ˈzi-, chiefly British tran(t)-ˈsi-zhən\

1  passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : CHANGE

Travelling all over the world is mild compared to moving from Europe back to my homeland, America after 31 years. It's the difference between transitory changes compared to earth-shaking CHANGE!

Having lived under the illusion that I was a fairly mobile person, even a minimalist by my family's standards, it comes as a shock to me that it's taking days, weeks, and months to literally extract myself from this society, my home, and my network of friends and colleagues.  And that is just the external stuff on my "to-do" list.  Then there's the feelings of transition that my heart has to cope with.

I rather doubt that my friends would classify me as an emotional person... passionate at times, yes, but I'm not the type who carries tissues with me in case my eyes start to leak. Yet it seems I'm crying about something every other day now.

For example, yesterday I was walking my dog on one of our usual routes and I suddenly became aware of the cobblestones under my feet and thought "I'm going to miss these cobblestones".  And, yep, my eyes got wet and my heart began to swell with feelings of .... grieving and loss. 
This is nothing compared to what I feel lately when visiting with a friend and it's time to leave.  I bravely smile and do the Dutch kissy-thingy (air kisses on each cheek) with a snug arm squeeze to boot and then step out the door with a "tot ziens!" (see you) and one last wave as I dive into my car and zoom off, parking around the corner until I can see clearly enough to drive safely.

You see, I'm a chicken when it comes to saying good-bye.  I notoriously leave gatherings just a bit early or even slip out the door unnoticed to avoid a farewell.  There's something in me that just can't bear it. It makes my heart feel like it will burst and my face screws up into a hot, slimy, wet mess if I don't exit quickly enough.  And now when I click on this blog button, the world will know.

I wonder if there is such a thing as "goodbye therapy"... perhaps I could learn to face saying goodbye if there were some handy relationship tools I could employ?  But, on the other hand, I believe that goodbyes should be difficult because it means I really cared for that person and I really felt deeply about our relationship and experiences together.

This goodbye dysfunction I wrestle with also compels me to share the salvation message of Jesus with the people my heart latches onto because then I'll be certain to see them in eternity in heaven.  Heaven and eternity is what we're all made for; and in heaven there are no more tears... and I'm thinking that also means no more goodbyes because we'll be with him together....forever.

Well, there you have it, the tip of the iceberg about my feelings in this time of transition. And if anyone knows of a "goodbye therapist", give me their contact info!

Mercy and Justice

Mercy and justice are in equitous balance within the heart and character of God.  They do not exclude one another and are synchronous within the actions and attitude of God.

We discredit the character and nature of God if we view Him solely as a compassionate grandfatherly figure who constantly showers us with hugs and good gifts with never a stern or harsh word.  He is completely good but simultaneously intolerant and ruthless with sin, evil and wickedness.  He does not turn a blind eye to disobedience and cruelty and is not constrained by our incomplete conceptions of “love”, “mercy”, and “grace”.  

God did not overlook the sin of Adam (Genesis 3:17-19), Cain (Genesis 4:11-13), Saul (1 Samuel 15:26), or David (2 Samuel 12:8-10), and He cannot, by His very nature, overlook sin now.

Some conclude that love cancels out law, but Scripture clearly shows us otherwise.    

"Love and faithfulness meet together;  righteousness and peace kiss each other.  Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven.  The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest. Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.   (Psalms 85:10 NIV). 

Divine mercy (which encompasses the concepts of love and peace) embraces truth, which is another name for justice (law) or righteousness.  In God and within His Kingdom they are not separated.  James tells us, 

“Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” 

(James 2: 12,13 NIV).   

Mercy does triumph over judgment but never over justice because mercy and justice are one in God. Clearly, judgment for sin still exists and in fact judgment without any mercy in heart and action is equally wrong. 

The justice and mercy of God are not in contradiction but in balance.   

“Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne;  

Mercy and truth go before Your face” (Psalm 89:14). 

If we conclude that God will never exercise justice or wrath upon sin, disobedience and wickedness, we have a distorted view of God.  Sin can and should not be tolerated, for sin always separates us from the heart of God.  Isaiah 59 paints a clear picture of the relationship between sin, confession, redemption and justice.  (read Isaiah 59 here)

Sin sabotages God’s eternal justice and there is but one remedy: repentance.  Acknowledging our sins and calling out to God for mercy will put into effect His justice and peace.  God has mercifully provided a way for us to escape this wrath and separation: Christ’s blood has purchased atonement and cleansing, allowing us to stand before God on Judgment Day and be counted as justified. (Revelation 1:5; Hebrews 13:20, Titus 3:7; Hebrews 10:19).

God’s Word is abundantly clear that judgment must be meted out to the disobedient and unrepentant, yet the supreme goal of God’s judgment is to bring restoration to the lost by bringing them into fellowship with Himself.  This is how justice (righteousness) and mercy (love/peace) “kiss” one another – through the reconciliation that Jesus makes possible by His death on the cross in our place. 

Mercy and justice are perfectly balanced in the character and conduct of God.  In our mercy let us walk in His steps, not forsaking the justice of God.  In our quest for justice let us follow His ways by embracing the merciful heart of God.  

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God 

Micah 6:8 NIV