One is silver and the other gold

"Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold"

I learned this little song during primary school and it's still true.

During high school I met Claudia. She was a year younger than I was and that made me feel older and wiser somehow.  Claudia started attending a little prayer meeting and Bible study I'd begun with a few others. She laughed easily, carried compassion gracefully, and was musical and sportsy. We played tennis together and guitar/piano.  The Navigator Bible study that I was a part of (with "really old" ladies in their 20's!) encouraged me to find someone younger to pass on the things I was learning and Claudia was eager. We discussed Bible passages, memorized Scriptures, and prayed together. What a great foundation for a lifelong friendship!

However, lest anyone think I was the leader in this friendship I will say right at the outset that Claudia's heart gave me great hope and strength coming from a troubled home.  Part of this hope came through her family.  Her home seemed like a real life "Father Knows Best" (USA TV series in 1960's). Her father, Mr. Johnson, was like the TV father, Jim (Robert Young). Mr. Johnson often warmly greeted me, acknowledged me and had an easy laugh. For reasons only God knows, he became the picture of a good father to me because my own father was depressed, sullen, ignored me, and had a vile temper.  

Young as I was I could tell that what Claudia's parents had given her was a stable and strong heart upon which her character was formed. 

Unfortunately, what they couldn't give her was a strong physical heart. Right now Claudia, at 63 yrs old, is awaiting a heart transplant. As I write this I received a message that her situation is tenuous again as she waits.  How I pray that God will intervene and give this amazing woman, mother, grandmother, and golden friend a new heart so that she may finish life on this earth strong.

May Your divine strength be perfect in her weakness now, Heavenly Father.

I'm sure that anyone following me has unfollowed me because of my long hiatus from blogging. 

My last entry was about how disoriented I felt as I returned to my passport country and had no means to find a proper compass heading.  I became desperate and very "needy" to find someone to help and give me answers.  No one can make the journey for you but God does hear the cry of your heart.  

People were sent to assist:  a few friends, family that was and is always there, a therapist who was a good listener, a retreat that gave me some breathing room, and that brought me to the Fall of 2015.

My calling as a missionary and my dreams of learning and growing as a cross-cultural worship minister led me to launch a YWAM seminar:  University of the Nations ATS 308/309 Introduction to Cross-Cultural Worship Ministry - a 3 week seminar in Lonavala (Mumbai) India in November 2015.

Since I'd be gone so long I certainly needed a good dog sitter for my two terriers:  Honey (12 yrs old) and Ebony (2 yrs old).  Quite a handfull, if I do say so myself.

A distant cousin, Karl, offered to dog-sit and I was very grateful.  Karl had been so helpful and kind in my adjustment back to the USA.  A widower and retiree he had time to help put together IKEA furniture and help me with repairs.  We knew each other from family reunions and he was also a mission partner for a few years.  

Well...

While I was in India that long month of November 2015, Karl messaged and connected with me daily... at first under the guise of a "Dog Blog" to give me updates on my dogs.  But we were talking about everything and I absolutely LOVED it! I recalled that earlier that year he had invited me to a dinner theater with his daughter and son-in-law... what a fun evening that was.  We'd also taken a cruise to Alaska for my 60th birthday - I was so clueless because he was "family" that I didn't even realize that he was interested in me romantically.  

Then I came home from India....

He met me with dogs, food, flowers, and wine.... WOW! How nice!

A few days later he shared his feelings towards me and, after a major paradigm shift in my mind, I realized how PERFECT he is for me.

We were married 5 months later and it is absolutely the BEST thing ever for this girl!

When I was young (okay 21 or 23yrs old) I felt I had a word from God that someday I would be married and would I be willing to wait?  Yes, was my answer.  WHO KNEW it would be until I was 60 years old?!!! But I'm telling you, Karl was worth the wait.  He is super!

As far as my adjusting to America goes... I now have my very own personal tour guide to America and he has also anchored me into my home country in a way that probably nothing else could have done.

My questions about "why do I need to move back to America, Lord?" are now answered and I am very, very, very fulfilled... in ministry and mission and also in a very deep place in my heart of hearts.

THANK YOU, JESUS!

Home and hope

I started thinking about heaven this morning.


After a conversation with a fellow missionary about the difficulties of returning to my "home" in the USA and my grieving process of leaving my "home" in Holland, I wondered if it will feel the same way when I leave this world for my heavenly "home".

 
Will I take painful steps forward while looking over my shoulder at my former familiar life?
Will I miss my friends, the culture of earth when I arrive in heaven like I do now arriving in the USA?
Will I feel as foreign as I feel now?
Will I feel like I've lost my way and feel so blind and awkward in friendships and society and neighborhood and....?

I sure hope not!

I imagine that I will emerge into a sense of life and being that I'd only tasted in brief encounters that planted a longing into my soul for this place.
I hope that my heart will burst with joy and feel incredibly at home, beloved and safe, all at the same time.
I believe that there will be some sort of welcome home celebration with angels singing and all my friends and family who've arrived before, embracing me with smiles and laughter and time to talk and recount our experiences.

I sure hope so!

One thing is certain... Jesus will be there, even as He is here and was with me back there, too. Yes, that is what is certain and sure about what and where home is:  Jesus!

Expectations

There is a difference between hope and expectation. 

Hope seems vague and distant, like something you can almost see but you can't really get it clearly into focus, and expectation is like drawing an outline and revisiting it to fill in the details repeatedly. 

Expectations seem to get me into trouble.

I start with an empty canvas and begin to paint what I want to happen.  The more I think about it, the more the colors come together and define my desire.  I gaze at what I'm fantasizing and come under the spell of what I see with an insatiable appetite that clamours to be quelled. 

The problem is - it seems there's no way out.

I've created something that doesn't exist and never will. I've allowed my dreaming to seep into my heart with it's poisonous potion and begin to demand fulfillment. 

I wrote recently:

"When struggling under the expectations of others, your best recourse is to respond with faith in God.  Ask Him what to do, then listen, and obey."

But what if I'm struggling with my own expectations - what I expect to happen, what I expect of myself, and what I expect of others and even God?

Let's face it - no one can live up to my expectations. I can't even live up to my own expectations of myself!

Therefore, these kinds of expectations will only lead down the one-way street called "Disappointment".  And we're all more or less familiar with the other inhabitants on that street: hurt, anger, depresssion, frustration, anxiety, etc.

The only answer I know of is to stop myself from taking steps down that road in the first place...or to find someone to help turn me around and guide me in the direction of HOPE.

I am not alone in this discovery as I read of someone having a similar revelation:

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:5

And how he finds his way to hope:

Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths. 

Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:5

So, this is what I need to do!

 Instead of building and continually reinforcing my expectations, I need to invite God to shepherd me forward with His truth. 

This is a far cry from the unrealistic ideas I continually create in my mind which eventually grip my heart and emotions, locking me onto a path towards disappointment.

It will cost me some of my pride to humbly admit that I need Him to lead me, to show me, and to teach me how to look forward... but at the very least I'll be moving forward!  This is much better than getting bogged down in the same ruts again and again.  Pride has never, ever yielded good fruit anyways.

Okay, Lord... I put my hope in You, not in me... in YOU!

Transitions

¹tran·si·tion

noun \tran(t)-ˈsi-shən, tran-ˈzi-, chiefly British tran(t)-ˈsi-zhən\

1  passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : CHANGE

Travelling all over the world is mild compared to moving from Europe back to my homeland, America after 31 years. It's the difference between transitory changes compared to earth-shaking CHANGE!

Having lived under the illusion that I was a fairly mobile person, even a minimalist by my family's standards, it comes as a shock to me that it's taking days, weeks, and months to literally extract myself from this society, my home, and my network of friends and colleagues.  And that is just the external stuff on my "to-do" list.  Then there's the feelings of transition that my heart has to cope with.

I rather doubt that my friends would classify me as an emotional person... passionate at times, yes, but I'm not the type who carries tissues with me in case my eyes start to leak. Yet it seems I'm crying about something every other day now.

For example, yesterday I was walking my dog on one of our usual routes and I suddenly became aware of the cobblestones under my feet and thought "I'm going to miss these cobblestones".  And, yep, my eyes got wet and my heart began to swell with feelings of .... grieving and loss. 
This is nothing compared to what I feel lately when visiting with a friend and it's time to leave.  I bravely smile and do the Dutch kissy-thingy (air kisses on each cheek) with a snug arm squeeze to boot and then step out the door with a "tot ziens!" (see you) and one last wave as I dive into my car and zoom off, parking around the corner until I can see clearly enough to drive safely.

You see, I'm a chicken when it comes to saying good-bye.  I notoriously leave gatherings just a bit early or even slip out the door unnoticed to avoid a farewell.  There's something in me that just can't bear it. It makes my heart feel like it will burst and my face screws up into a hot, slimy, wet mess if I don't exit quickly enough.  And now when I click on this blog button, the world will know.

I wonder if there is such a thing as "goodbye therapy"... perhaps I could learn to face saying goodbye if there were some handy relationship tools I could employ?  But, on the other hand, I believe that goodbyes should be difficult because it means I really cared for that person and I really felt deeply about our relationship and experiences together.

This goodbye dysfunction I wrestle with also compels me to share the salvation message of Jesus with the people my heart latches onto because then I'll be certain to see them in eternity in heaven.  Heaven and eternity is what we're all made for; and in heaven there are no more tears... and I'm thinking that also means no more goodbyes because we'll be with him together....forever.

Well, there you have it, the tip of the iceberg about my feelings in this time of transition. And if anyone knows of a "goodbye therapist", give me their contact info!

Mercy and Justice

Mercy and justice are in equitous balance within the heart and character of God.  They do not exclude one another and are synchronous within the actions and attitude of God.

We discredit the character and nature of God if we view Him solely as a compassionate grandfatherly figure who constantly showers us with hugs and good gifts with never a stern or harsh word.  He is completely good but simultaneously intolerant and ruthless with sin, evil and wickedness.  He does not turn a blind eye to disobedience and cruelty and is not constrained by our incomplete conceptions of “love”, “mercy”, and “grace”.  

God did not overlook the sin of Adam (Genesis 3:17-19), Cain (Genesis 4:11-13), Saul (1 Samuel 15:26), or David (2 Samuel 12:8-10), and He cannot, by His very nature, overlook sin now.

Some conclude that love cancels out law, but Scripture clearly shows us otherwise.    

"Love and faithfulness meet together;  righteousness and peace kiss each other.  Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven.  The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest. Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.   (Psalms 85:10 NIV). 

Divine mercy (which encompasses the concepts of love and peace) embraces truth, which is another name for justice (law) or righteousness.  In God and within His Kingdom they are not separated.  James tells us, 

“Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” 

(James 2: 12,13 NIV).   

Mercy does triumph over judgment but never over justice because mercy and justice are one in God. Clearly, judgment for sin still exists and in fact judgment without any mercy in heart and action is equally wrong. 

The justice and mercy of God are not in contradiction but in balance.   

“Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne;  

Mercy and truth go before Your face” (Psalm 89:14). 

If we conclude that God will never exercise justice or wrath upon sin, disobedience and wickedness, we have a distorted view of God.  Sin can and should not be tolerated, for sin always separates us from the heart of God.  Isaiah 59 paints a clear picture of the relationship between sin, confession, redemption and justice.  (read Isaiah 59 here)

Sin sabotages God’s eternal justice and there is but one remedy: repentance.  Acknowledging our sins and calling out to God for mercy will put into effect His justice and peace.  God has mercifully provided a way for us to escape this wrath and separation: Christ’s blood has purchased atonement and cleansing, allowing us to stand before God on Judgment Day and be counted as justified. (Revelation 1:5; Hebrews 13:20, Titus 3:7; Hebrews 10:19).

God’s Word is abundantly clear that judgment must be meted out to the disobedient and unrepentant, yet the supreme goal of God’s judgment is to bring restoration to the lost by bringing them into fellowship with Himself.  This is how justice (righteousness) and mercy (love/peace) “kiss” one another – through the reconciliation that Jesus makes possible by His death on the cross in our place. 

Mercy and justice are perfectly balanced in the character and conduct of God.  In our mercy let us walk in His steps, not forsaking the justice of God.  In our quest for justice let us follow His ways by embracing the merciful heart of God.  

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God 

Micah 6:8 NIV 

The Cambridge Seven

It was February 4th 1885.  The meeting place, Exeter Hall in London was packed.  Over 3,000 were present, with 500 in the overflow.  George Williams, founder of the YMCA, entered to chair the meeting, behind him 40 Cambridge undergraduates, all prospective missionaries, in front of a huge map of China.
As the "Cambridge Seven" filed in they were received with great enthusiasm.  When Stanley Smith, one of the seven, rose to speak he said, "We do not go to that far distant land to speak of doctrine or theory, but of a living, bright, present and rejoicing Savior."  Stanley and C.T.Studd, the greatest cricketer of his day, had just finished a tour of the universities of Edinburgh, Glasgow, Cambridge and Oxford, challenging students at large meetings to follow Christ unreservedly.  The nation was in shock because seven of its brightest young stars were about to leave the next day to go to China, sowing their lives into the mission field and might never return.
The departure of the Cambridge Seven ignited a missions movement in the UK and USA as hundreds of young people followed their lead into lifetime missionary service.

Here is their record:


•    William Wharton Cassels worked in China for ten years and then returned to England in 1895 where he was consecrated as the new Bishop of a new diocese in Western China. He then returned to Western China — he lived here until his death in 1925.
•    Stanley Peregrine Smith was sent to North China. Here he learned Chinese language and soon became as fluent a preacher in Chinese as he was in English. He died in China on 31 January 1931.
•    Charles Studd, one of the famous Studd brothers, who was before his missionary work well known as an England cricketer was probably the best known of "The Cambridge Seven,". He was sent home because of ill health in 1894. Later he worked in India and Africa and was the founder of WEC. He died in 1931.
•    Arthur Polhill-Turner was ordained as a minister in 1888 and moved to the densely populated countryside to reach as many people as he could. He remained in China throughout the uprisings against foreigners at the turn of the century and did not leave there until 1928, when he retired and returned to England. He died in 1935.
•    Cecil Polhill-Turner stayed in the same province with the others for a while before moving to the northwest, in the direction of Tibet. During a violent riot there he and his wife were both nearly killed in 1892. In 1900, his health failed and he was sent home to England where he was strongly advised against a return to China. Despite this ban, his heart remained there and throughout the rest of his life, he made seven prolonged missionary visits. In 1908 he became the leader of the Pentecostal Missionary Union and was greatly used in the formation of the Pentecostal Movement in Britain. He died in England in 1938.
•    In 1900 Montagu Harry Proctor Beauchamp was evacuated from China because of the uprisings but returned again to China in 1902. He then returned again to England in 1911 and served as a chaplain with the British Army. His son became a second-generation missionary in China and in 1935 he went back to China; he died at his son's mission station in 1939.
•    Dixon Hoste succeeded Hudson Taylor as the Director of the China Inland Mission and for thirty years, he led the Mission. He retired in 1935 but remained in China until 1945, when he was interned by the Japanese. He died in London, in May 1946 and was the last remaining member of "The Cambridge Seven" to die.

A Jesus People!

In the early 70's this image (above) was on the front page of a newspaper distributed by the grassroots movement of "Jesus People".  The "Hollywood Free Paper" was, as far as I know, passed on person-to-person from the west coast to the east coast of the United States of America during the Jesus People revival.  I would pick up a stack of them at the "Logos" Christian coffeehouse in my home city of Minneapolis and then take them to my high school and pass them out to my classmates.

I was a Jesus People!

I gave my heart to Christ in October 1970 after my high school teacher (!) shared the Gospel clearly with me at a Navigators Bible Study.  I was 15 but my heart had been longing for God ever since I'd seen a Billy Graham movie when I was 12 years old.

Together with a few other Christians in my high school (Roosevelt High School, Minneapolis, MN) we started a morning prayer meeting to pray for our classmates to come to Christ.  We began discovering other Christians and leading others to faith in Christ so we started a Bible Study group.  Our group (did we ever have a name?) read and studied the Word, sang wonderful "hit" songs like "Pass it On", "Come to the Water" and "Seek Ye First".  A couple times we had retreat weekends with lots of prayer, singing and campfires.  We even organized a Christian concert in our school auditorium one day after school.  All of this without any adults leading or guiding the way... just young hearts on fire with passion for God.

As far as I know, many of my friends still believe there is only "One Way", as the picture above symbolizes with the single forefinger pointed upwards to heaven.  We've lost touch with one another but I'm forever grateful for that amazing sense of Christian community and "church" we had together in my teen years. 

And I'm still a Jesus People!

Bad, brutal news... followed by good news

A YWAM friend of mine wrote this today... just a few months after his wife of 30+ years passed away with a sudden disease...

Francis Schaeffer said we should always start with the bad news, and end with the good.
So here goes with the bad news; and please fasten your seat belts because it’s not just bad, it’s brutal:

Everyone close to you is going to die. 
Most will go peacefully we hope, but some will die in horrific accidents, some with wasting diseases.
And the Lord is not going to heal all of them, even though He could.

Why not? Why does He not control every detail of everything on earth, and make it all better?  Because He set this world up for love, not for control; and as Jan Amos Comenius said, “There is no control in love . . .”
Love risks, and as the other old song says, “love hurts”. Besides, He left us the job of making everything better, for all of Creation.
 

There are no guarantees on this earth; the guarantees are only in Eternity. He indeed promises us eternal love and eternal life, but down here we have no contracts with the Lord; He owes us nothing, because He has already given us everything.

We need to remember how many times each of us have prayed, “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven . . .” and not be surprised when His will is done, and not ours. We blithely forget our prayers; but He does not. He takes our prayers so much more seriously than we do . . .
As the old saying goes, Today is all we have, and it’s a gift . . . that’s why it’s called “the present”.

So here is some good news, there are some strategies for living that work for me:

• The most important is to lean into the Lord (Note: best to have learned how to do this before the unthinkable happens . . .)
• Read the book ‘Heaven is for Real’ if you haven’t already – Cynthia did
• Laugh daily, through the tears if necessary (hang out with little kids, they laugh a lot more than adults do)
• Watch at least one sunset a day
• Eat all the Swiss chocolate you can
• Adopt as many flowers as you can handle
• Tend your relationships even better than your flowers, because they are your greatest treasures . . . they are the only things you can take with you into eternity.
• Dance as if nobody’s watching (yes, there is one song that used to get me dancing when alone in my living room, and no, it’s not going up on YouTube, and no, I’m not even telling you which song it is)
• Love all you can
• Live as if there’s no tomorrow – because sometimes there isn’t, here on this old earth.

Bye now, I’m off to spend time with my flowers; but maybe I’ll put that song on and dance a little first, it’s been a long time since I’ve done that . .

Faraway

Faraway

Faraway in a land

Where the North wind blows and blue waters flow

Is the place I call home

All your loving-care taught me how to share

And a part of my heart is right next to yours

Through the valleys and seas

God keeps us faithfully

Faraway is a place

Where the land lies low and the tulips grow

Welcoming open arms,

Being friends with me, like a family

And a part of my heart is right next to yours

Through the valleys and seas

God keeps us faithfully

 You're never faraway  x3

Faraway in a land

Where a jungle grows and it never snows

I will come, I will go

See your smiling face, feel your your warm embrace

But a part of my heart stays right next to yours

Through the valleys and seas

God keeps us faithfully

You're never faraway....

copyright 1992  Belinda van de Loo

©Universal Songs/Small StoneMusic, Holland